I’ve had this feeling I can’t shake for months now.
In fact it has been lingering for so long I cannot remember if ever there was a time when it didn’t pervade my happiness. Much has changed in the last year. Relationships have morphed and in some cases been severed. For those I have let go of I do not mourn. It is those that remain, often hanging by a thin thread of history, that I am sad for. In one hand I have a relationship so deep and richly fulfilling it is almost enough in itself. In the other, friendships slipping through my fingers while I try in desperation to hang on.
And I can’t see a way to have both hands full, each with a firm grip, never letting go. Somedays I tell myself it is just how life goes, friendships ebb and flow and others dry up completely. But mostly I can’t accept being a failure as a friend and that is the real feeling that pervades my thoughts.
I am trying to pick up the pieces I have let slip through but perhaps they are already broken, unable to be glued back in to the fabric of a crumbling friendship. Either way, I have to try.
